Did Prince Charming Bargain for a Cinderella with Issues?

by Beth Duewel

Ouch. My Prince Charming hurt my feelings today. One would think at age thirty-nine and almost twenty years of marriage, this Cinderella wouldn't be so…sensitive. Alas. Like a diaper rash my feelings flare up with the slightest misunderstood word. My body can't decide if it’s pre-midlife or pre-late-life. And, since I met my husband as a pre-teen—I'm wondering if he has a case of whiplash from trying to keep up with my issues.

I guess I better type the disclaimer now. Obviously, I don't have all the answers to marital bliss. I am not even what you might call a typical wife. In fact, most days I do well to keep cereal in the cupboard and a wash cloth handy (a moist wash cloth in the dryer, a few minutes on tumble and presto—my husband’s dress shirts come out looking almost ironed). Creative—yes. Typical—no.

I do, however, still say “I do” to the man I fell in love with over twenty years ago. I do love it when the creases of his eyes smile at me and my quirky ways. I do love the way he upholds the kids and I in prayer, and hands me a gardening magazine with a Hershey bar taped to it, just to say “I care.” And I do, with God’s grace, intend to keep my promise to love, honor, and cherish even when life gets tougher than we ever imagined. 

My husband, Jerry, and I met several days before my sixteenth birthday at the Richland County Fair, our eyes locking across the pig barn. (I know you are just about to weep with the sweetness of this story.) I could say nothing but “I do” to that type of pursuit. We were happily married at age nineteen.

What’s happened to the fairy tale between now and then? We have three wonderful children, lots of love and laughter. Laughing keeps us coping when “fairy tale” meets “reality.”

 Some days my marriage reads less like a fairy tale and more like a “who done it.”  I know this because I have never owned a pair of glass slippers—only fuzzy ones. Nor have I had a handful of obliging mice tend to my need for a new dress. (Unless, you count the huge mouse that peers at me while I’m feeding the goats in the morning. Do you think he could be knitting me a sweater? )  No, this fairy tale is a mystery plagued with questions. Who put the empty carton back in the fridge? Who tied the bow around the cat’s neck? Are we ever going to get a night to ourselves?

And if this sounds familiar, then you might relate to those times when you suspect someone broke in and kidnapped the gallant guy you married. Where is the man that tiptoed around his beloved’s feelings like a farmer sneaking an egg from under his prize chicken—certain not to cause any undo ruffling of her sensitive feathers? He wouldn't dream of rolling his eyes while his hen (I mean his wife), clucked on about nothing in particular. Nor would he ever succumb to the urge to blow the horn while waiting for her in the car, just because she happened to be running an itsy-bit late. Befuddled we think—who art thou, and what did you do with my prince?

On our tenth anniversary we scheduled date nights twice a month. I'll admit, now that the children are older, it’s even more difficult to make time together alone. But some form of connecting always needs to be a priority.

Overall, a God centered amount of selflessness needs to feed the marriage as well. This is tough. I know. I have learned about myself and the mistakes I have made in marriage. Here are just a few of my issues:

I am not perfect… So shocking is this point that I must repeat myself, “I am not perfect.” Yet, I demand so much from my husband. Also a shock—my marriage is not all about me and my happiness; a pill that only time and God has helped me to swallow. Some days I still have trouble choking it down. Gulp.

I must get over it…When Jerry and I were first married we were masters at holding onto hurt. Of course, I could always out-pout him three days to his one. There was lots of fussing, with little forgiveness. The hurts piled, and so did the resentments, until every argument triggered an avalanche of irrational thinking, “You don’t like me—you hate me—I’m eating some worms...” well, twenty years later I’m learning to get over it and let things go. Besides, a woman can only live on worms for so long. Yuck!

Flex for the good of the marriage…We all know that no marriage is complete without sacrifice. There have been times I’ve stood like a brick pillar and regretted it. When bending needs to take place it helps to be the one to initiate it.

 Set the right mood for the marriage…Women alone can make or break the mood of the marriage. I can say this because I’ve done it. Jerry has came home from work with tension hanging as thick as hamburger grease...homework, squabbling, and supper burning—and to think, the poor guy left a quiet office for this! Don’t we all want our husbands to want to come home? Although this may happen frequently, I try not to allow it be tradition.

Focus on the King…With all the imperfection that can take place between two imperfect people, how can we keep the marriage from turning into a pumpkin before midnight? Okay too much fairy tale—how can we have what we long for; a deeper more meaningful marriage? First and foremost we need the King in our life, because no Prince will ever quite do. It is not Gods design that a husband fulfills every nook and cranny of our hearts. Our husband is merely to walk hand in hand with us, partnering in love and life’s journey. God is the one who carries us over the threshold.

Above all else—guard the heart. A Christian based marriage accomplishes much for the Kingdom of God. Needless to say, Satan is lurking and waiting to strike. Death of a marriage rarely occurs swift or expectant. Erosion is the time worn culprit. “Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Ephesians 6:11. Print Ephesians 6:11-17 on your heart and wear it.

Don't ya  think “happily ever after” is highly overrated? Yes, I'll take my “who done it” any day! Got to go—“ Okay, who let the dog in the house?”

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (NIV.) Corinthians 13:4-7.

Copyright © 2007 - Elizabeth Duewel. All rights reserved.