Mistakes OR Miracles

by Beth Duewel

I am glad I can't see what’s in store for me and my family. I'll admit some parts I couldn't bare to watch…again. Of course, I would open my eyes for the happy ending.

Although my idea of “happy ending” doesn't always line up with what God has in mind—no, not even close.

We all know that life can hold mistakes, disappointment, and pain. But a closer look can reveal a plan…God’s plan…and God’s plan is always good—not always painless—but good!
 
Last January my daughter, Brittany, bounded in after a long run. The thirty degree weather gave her rosy cheeks and a semi frozen grin.
“Cold out there Britt?” I touched her chilly cheek.
“It’s not too bad; you get warm while you run.” She stated as she tore off her black gloves and ear muffs.
“You could make it look like work,” I chimed in efforts to ease my conscience. After all, I can work up a huff running too fast to the phone.

Needless to say, I was shocked to get a phone call from the school nurse a few days later.
“Mrs Duewel,” her voice sounding pushed.
“You need to come right away; Brittany had an episode in band class.”
“What kind of episode?” I asked while doodling with a pen.
“We aren't sure, but we think she had a seizure.”
Before the woman could explain, I hung up and had my sneakers on.

When I got to the school Brittany was laughing and chatty, complaining only of feeling tired. Even at the doctor she had no symptoms—and no episodes. Just for precaution though, the doctor set up a series of tests the next morning.

The next morning while the family was up and getting ready to go, Brittany came in and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I feel funny,” were the only words she was able to mutter before the whole right side of her body shook and my husband yelled for me to get out of the shower.

Right away my husband and I  knew Britt needed an ambulance. Rushing down the stairs my legs acted like rubber bands snapping against my back, but hardly able to hold my weight. I had trouble remembering who I was so I repeated my name all the way downstairs, “My name is Beth Duewel, my name is Beth Duewel, my name is Beth Duewel.” Just for future reference: I am probably not the first person one might call in an emergency. Sigh.

As I ran down the steps to call the ambulance, my legs were moving—but time was still. I heard only my husbands penetrating cry, “Jesus, please don't take my baby girl. Please Jesus!”

I realized in those few “freeze frame” moments what every parent knows, but forgets…that we only borrow our children for a season. And even though I like to take credit for Brittany (especially after thirty-two hours of labor), her life is held by God and God alone.

When Brittany’s seizure ended, she was taken by ambulance to Akron Children’s Hospital—ICU. All the way to Akron I cried-out inwardly to God. I let God know, in no uncertain terms, that he had made a BIG mistake. This couldn't be what He had planned for her life, could it?

As soon as Jerry and I arrived at the hospital, we signed in and received name tags for ICU. When we got to Britt’s room my husband noticed that his name tag was missing—not a big surprise considering we sprinted down the halls. What was a surprise was how God used the name tag to speak to my heart. We received a phone call from Jerry’s boss the next day telling us the God story.

Apparently, the day Brittany was admitted; my husband’s boss’s four-year-old daughter had a check-up in the same hospital. Their family had no idea Brittany was ill. Finding themselves in an unfamiliar corridor their daughter announced, “I have something sticky on the bottom of my shoe.” From the sole of her sneaker they peeled this name tag: Jerry Duewel for Brittany Duewel—ICU. God was beating these words into my heart: I don’t do MISTAKES—I do MIRACLES!” God was writing His story for Brittany’s life.

The next day Brittany was diagnosed with what the doctors thought to be a large malignant brain tumor. Solemnly the doctors explained that the MRI showed the tumor to be metastasized and her prognosis was shaky. Of course we cried, but even that same night Jerry and I held hands and said without a doubt we knew, “Gods plan was still good.” 

Hours before Brittany’s surgery, I felt weak and drained while crying (well, more like wailing) in the shower. (Ladies, if you ever need a good cry, the shower is perfect. You don't even need a Kleenex!) I pleaded with God to right His mistake. But to Brittany there was no mistake, moments before surgery she reassured, “I'm not afraid… I trust God with my life.”

Remember how I said though, that God’s plan is sometimes different than our own. Well, God didn't plan on her going to surgery that day. In fact, just as the surgical team started to wheel her away, the fire alarm sounded. So we sat, while the doctor took a few extra minutes to glance through Brittany’s chart. When the “all clear” sounded, Brittany’s surgeon walked over and said, “We can't operate on her today, as I flipped through the chart I realized she’s been given pain medication containing blood thinner. If we operate today she could bleed to death.” Again Gods voice reverberated—I don't do MISTAKES—I do MIRACLES. And so we waited.

The next day Brittany went to surgery—for real. Her surgeon called six hours later to say all preliminary reports indicated the tumor was not a high grade cancerous tumor, but a rare unknown pathology-possibly inflammatory. The doctors removed a portion of the mass and opted to treat the remainder with high dose steroids. Miraculously our family has learned to walk by faith, not by sight.

So about that “happy ending” I mentioned earlier. Although Brittany sees her neurologist once a month and has had a set back now and then, her MRI's continues to indicate that everything is stable right now.She is working hard on grades, and, of course, running. Accomplishing finish-line after finish-line on the cross-country and track team. Brittany has set new sights on her future as well. She hopes to be a nurse working with children who suffer from brain tumors or rare brain disorders. (This is alone is a miracle, considering that before she got sick, Britt had such a fear of needles she would pass-out from a simple shot.) Smile.

God has ignited a writing and speaking ministry for me, allowing many opportunities to share Brittany’s Miracles. Many teenagers have committed their life to Christ after hearing Brittany's story!! In fact, after coming home from a speaking appointment Brittany stated that she would go through it all again knowing now what God has done through her life. Honestly, I want to be just like her when I grow up!

So often I feel totally unworthy.God keeps me humble through disappointments and trials. It’s through the trials, though, that He also reveals his plan…His good, perfect, and appointed plan!              

The Happy Ending!

“For He performs what is appointed for me and many such things are with Him.” 
Job 23:14 (NKJV)

Copyright © 2007 - Elizabeth Duewel. All rights reserved.